TRIGGER ME BABY
Heart pounding, hands trembling, knees weak and the critical inner voice is screaming — again! I had just managed to cut that b*tches vocal cords recently and now she’s back, stronger and louder than ever. Sound familiar? It’s called being triggered and we all go through it. You can refuse all you want but being triggered is a part of who we are as humans. Triggers are coded into our genetic makeup if you like, they stem from insecurities and since we evolved to live in colonies and create societies because we lose our functionability when we’re alone, it is safe to say that we are very prone to feeling insecure (unsafe) and consequently we embody a genetic predisposition to getting triggered. To put it in simple terms, triggers derive from insecurities. Perfection does not exist and we live in a world where sh*t happens on a regular basis, thus, creating many potential situations for us to be triggered.
I’m not perfect; in fact, I am far from being perfect. I am an average human with flaws and shortcomings; I have emotional baggage and unresolved issues. It’s called being alive on this planet for 30 years. As we live our lives to the best of our ability, we face difficulties, delays, trauma and much more. As I said, it’s called being alive. These encounters while taking away our peace, harmony and self-love, also leave behind voids and more reasons to feel insecure.
Now that we have established that insecurities are normal, let’s talk about how these insecurities are triggered and how to overcome them. First of all, I have a disclaimer; I am not a psychiatrist or any kind of professional, certified mental health expert. I am not here to give health advice or prescribe a cure. As a fellow soul who has suffered traumas, loss and delays in life, I have accumulated many great lessons and breakthroughs when it comes to healing and breaking toxic cycles. I managed to evolve from a housebound, depressed young woman with crippling social anxiety to an independent, strong, financially self-sufficient bad*ss who depends on herself and on herself only. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it and though at times it seemed like the difficulties overweighed the light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, I am glad I powered through and made it out.
Up until 2017, I was completely unaware that the emotions I was experiencing as a reaction to certain situations were me being triggered. I thought I was just a weakling who couldn’t contain herself and was destined to lose and live her life as an outcast because of her imperfections. It wasn’t until my awakening commenced in the last quarter of 2017 when I realised that my spirit was trying to draw attention to my insecurities, which were the underlying cause of my triggers. I was being called to heal and let go. Obviously, the process didn’t transpire as easy as it sounds. There was a lot of confusion, anger, inconsistency and withdrawal involved. It was a game of seesaw and the floor is lava combined. There was nausea, pain, tears and a lot of frustration surrounding this journey.
Once I realized that being crippled by insecurities and self-esteem issues wasn’t a way to live a fulfilling life, I dug into a profound research about what triggers are and how to overcome them. I accumulated immense knowledge from both the spiritual and the mental health world. There are many ways to disintegrate or at least subside triggers but the first and most important step is to accept them for what they are. At this stage, the ego is going to go into defence mode and work over time trying to justify your reactions, there will be resistance, I assure you there will be a lot of resistance. Nevertheless, it’s of the utmost importance to accept and embrace ourselves as we are, with our insecurities and triggers. This is the first stage of the journey and the most important step I have personified. I learned to accept myself as I am, with all my strengths and weaknesses.
My triggers derived from my insecurities about my self-worth. No matter what I did or how much I accomplished there was always an inner voice within me who told me I wasn’t enough. It took all I had but finally, after 20 something years of suffering I managed to lower her voice. She’s not completely gone and probably never will but that critical inner voice definitely has less power over me now than what she did a couple of years ago. I kept assuring myself that I was enough, I repeated self-love mantras, I accentuated my accomplishments and focused on the positive. I know it sounds so cliché but it honestly works. Believing is the first step of success. Love yourself for who you are — with all that you embody. Love your flaws and your past, cherish your traumas as they made you who you are today. Keep telling that inner voice that you are enough because you really are. One-way to this is to literally talk to the universe, scream it if you like, just put it out there. You are enough, you are worthy and you deserve everything your heart desires. Another way is to write it, this is actually an important step for manifesting and the law of attraction. Every morning begin the day by writing down everything you are greatful for; your wealth, your health, your job, the hot coffee you’re about to devour and so on. Write down your desires and believe you’ll accomplish them. Send those positive vibes out into the universe. I promise it works, it really does. Ask for abundance, demand it and watch how it gravitates towards you. This is the first and most important step for alleviating your triggers, however, it doesn’t stop here.
Now that you have defined the beast, you need to change your perspective. This step is similar to the first one but requires more time and patience. As we said earlier, you need to accept yourself and your life for what it is. Your life may have taken a wrong turn and gone south unexpectedly, plans may have fallen through and you may have found yourself on the precipice of irreversible catastrophe. As a result, your insecurities will have gone through the roof, gaining more power with every pain and now you’re lost and hopeless as to how it’s going to go away. Well, at this point you will need to do something that I have learned to do when I was learning how to overcome my crippling anxiety. Embrace the chaos! Don’t fight your triggers, don’t fight your anxieties, it will only make it worse. Accept it, sit with it, let it penetrate every fibre in your body and leave naturally. Acceptance is peace! Despite how bad everything has turned out focus on the positive and accept your life the way it is. Take it slow and try to make changes without putting too much pressure on yourself. Change your direction, your plans and your perspective according to your new life. Finally, just give it time. Everything will fall into place nicely.
Finally, whatever you do just keep pushing forward. I spent years in a state of debilitating misery, focusing on my losses and wallowing in the pits of despair. I couldn’t hope for a better future or summon the courage to change my life. I circled around the death of my parents and gave into all my fears, letting the beast take complete control of my life. It took everything I had but I did manage to shake it off, although I did fail many times at the beginning and continue to struggle every now and again.
There is no one-way solution to overcoming trauma and healing. These humble tips might lead the way but ultimately many might need further help and assistance and there is no shame in seeking professional help. Life is too precious and time is constantly fleeting. You deserve to live your life to the fullest and reach your potential. Do not let your insecurities and triggers tell you otherwise.
Before I end the first part of this post, I would like to share a few more small tips. Meditating, exercising, taking nature walks and clean eating will also benefit your overall mental health tremendously and therefore help ease anxiety, feelings of insecurity and consequently your triggers.
Just to reiterate, most important of all, accept yourself, accept your life, do not fight your triggers and slowly but steadily change your situation. Don’t give into your fears, “feel the fear and do it anyway”.
To be continued…
February 14, 2020
